Cultivating a Calm, Quiet Heart

When I am feeling encumbered, concerned, overwhelmed and fatigued (weary in well-doing and weary of my weaknesses); and when I am feeling like a “Martha” (bustling about, irritated, cluttering my life with things I could let go of — distracted from my priorities and purpose),…….I can sit at the feet of Jesus like did Mary of Bethany and just be still, breathe, and listen.

Or, if I find myself feeling critical and judgmental of others as Martha was (“Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.”),  I can accept the Savior’s admonition to stop being “careful and troubled about many things”.   I can take my eyes off of that person (situation or concern) and look to the savior instead.

If I am unjustly accused as Mary was by Martha, I can have a quiet, calm demeanor and not lash back…letting the Savior answer for me and swallow my indignation, defensiveness and pride (realizing that it is about them not about me — and love them despite their unfair rebuke or comments).   When I am blamed, criticized, and judged I can forgive.  It takes more strength to be silent than to speak.  The Savior’s atonement covers our human weaknesses, sins, pains, worries, pride and sorrows.  He makes us whole.

I can show him my burden, like Mary and Martha did when Jesus asked where they had laid Lazarus — “Lord, come and see.”  Here is my weakness, my burden, my worry, my stress.  I give it to you to do what you know is best.  Then, he can comfort, strengthen, heal and bless me — giving me life — a rebirth as he did for Lazarus.

Please see Luke 10:38-42 and John 11:20-45 (KJV)

Charity is:

Charity tries to love others (including herself) especially when they are difficult.  She tries to see the good (the golden kernel of wheat) —  simply blowing away the “chaff”.

Charity is something we strive for, but will never attain to perfection in this life.  So, relax and just keep trying.

Here is what charity means to me:  (See 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Charity is patient and kind.  She is without envy/want and is grateful & content.

Charity thinks of God and others, She puts herself in others shoes.

Charity cares.  She knows that forgetting self makes room for abundant joy.

Charity forgives others, is merciful and compassionate.

Charity acts in faith one step at a time.  She is calm and gracious.

Charity is humble (not prideful).  She is without guile & manipulation.

Charity is not controlling, nor using fear tactics, threats or intimidation.

Charity speaks softly and is slow to anger.  She chooses forbearance.

Charity is temperate, moderate and discards things that distract her from her purpose.

Charity communicates well.  She chooses her words wisely and carefully.

Charity is not defensive, easily provoked or self-concerned.

Charity thinks virtuous, positive and productive thoughts.

Charity rejoices in the truth and lays hold upon all good things.

Charity takes the time to rejuvenate and nourish her body, mind and spirit.

Charity is prayerful and reads the scriptures for strength.

Charity believes, hopes and keeps on with gratitude to the Lord.

 

 

Taming My Tongue

JAMES 1:19 SWIFT TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO WRATH

Relationships are precious and fragile.  Sometimes I am too quick to express my opinion.  I really want to work on being “slow to speak” so that my relationships with those I love do not suffer (especially in my family).  Thumper (the rabbit from the Disney movie “Bambi”) said it well: “If I can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all”.

These ideas may be helpful:

1. Recognize & Resist
2. Remove & Relax
3. Regard with Respect
4. Write
   Recognize early that I am getting uptight.  Resist the urge to speak.  Remove (excuse) self for a minute from the situation if able (or just take 10 deep breaths to Relax).   Regard this person as significant and consider that my views could be biased or skewed.  Respect = this person is entitled to their own views and worth listening to without interruption.  Write feelings in a letter to God (when time allows).  Let him deal with our differences.  Surrender the irritation, defensiveness and other emotions to Him.  God can make weak things strong when we turn to him.  Read more for additional tips.

Here are a few additional things I have learned that may help:

1. To really listen, do not interrupt at all:  Try to understand what a person is saying and feeling behind the words (“I need to feel loved, am stressed, hurting, troubled, worried, happy, sad,….).   Summarize what they have said and ask if you understand correctly.  This single act of acknowledging what the other person says can reduce much of the friction in our communications. You don’t have to agree with the person; just try to see their perspective.  When a person feels heard and understood, there is validation, comfort and healthy bonding occurs.
2. Stay calm throughout the day.  Stop and breathe (count to 10), take a time-out when feeling emotional and stressed (parents often feel that way).
3. Forgive “humanness”:   Because of fatigue and personality weaknesses, we all get short-tempered sometimes (bossy, opinionated, irritable, angry).
4. Try not to take self so seriously – keep a sense of humor.
5. Distance self from situations as if an outside observer.
6. Write throughout the day when feeling irritated.  Delay speaking until you feel calm.
7. Be a cheerleader for people, not a coach (nix criticism as much as possible).
8. I do not need to “set-the-record-straight”.  I do not need to give my opinion all the time.  Let it go.  I can choose peace over being right and “having my say”.
9. Try to be like Data on Star Trek and turn-off emotions when needed. (I got this one from a counselor – it’s hard!).  Pretend you are programmed to only appreciate, accept and respect – quickly dismissing irritating behaviors of the people you seem to be at odds with; seeing them like the captain of the ship – worthy of great respect, loyalty and admiration.  (Also: not taking people for granted).