Taming My Tongue

JAMES 1:19 SWIFT TO HEAR, SLOW TO SPEAK, SLOW TO WRATH

Relationships are precious and fragile.  Sometimes I am too quick to express my opinion.  I really want to work on being “slow to speak” so that my relationships with those I love do not suffer (especially in my family).  Thumper (the rabbit from the Disney movie “Bambi”) said it well: “If I can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all”.

These ideas may be helpful:

1. Recognize & Resist
2. Remove & Relax
3. Regard with Respect
4. Write
   Recognize early that I am getting uptight.  Resist the urge to speak.  Remove (excuse) self for a minute from the situation if able (or just take 10 deep breaths to Relax).   Regard this person as significant and consider that my views could be biased or skewed.  Respect = this person is entitled to their own views and worth listening to without interruption.  Write feelings in a letter to God (when time allows).  Let him deal with our differences.  Surrender the irritation, defensiveness and other emotions to Him.  God can make weak things strong when we turn to him.  Read more for additional tips.

Here are a few additional things I have learned that may help:

1. To really listen, do not interrupt at all:  Try to understand what a person is saying and feeling behind the words (“I need to feel loved, am stressed, hurting, troubled, worried, happy, sad,….).   Summarize what they have said and ask if you understand correctly.  This single act of acknowledging what the other person says can reduce much of the friction in our communications. You don’t have to agree with the person; just try to see their perspective.  When a person feels heard and understood, there is validation, comfort and healthy bonding occurs.
2. Stay calm throughout the day.  Stop and breathe (count to 10), take a time-out when feeling emotional and stressed (parents often feel that way).
3. Forgive “humanness”:   Because of fatigue and personality weaknesses, we all get short-tempered sometimes (bossy, opinionated, irritable, angry).
4. Try not to take self so seriously – keep a sense of humor.
5. Distance self from situations as if an outside observer.
6. Write throughout the day when feeling irritated.  Delay speaking until you feel calm.
7. Be a cheerleader for people, not a coach (nix criticism as much as possible).
8. I do not need to “set-the-record-straight”.  I do not need to give my opinion all the time.  Let it go.  I can choose peace over being right and “having my say”.
9. Try to be like Data on Star Trek and turn-off emotions when needed. (I got this one from a counselor – it’s hard!).  Pretend you are programmed to only appreciate, accept and respect – quickly dismissing irritating behaviors of the people you seem to be at odds with; seeing them like the captain of the ship – worthy of great respect, loyalty and admiration.  (Also: not taking people for granted).